Enjoying the Comforts of NOW!

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Today is just one of those days that I’m truly appreciative of the love of God in my life. When I lived in New York, especially during the winter months, I enjoyed the console of wrapping myself in a fluffy comforter and just melting away in sleepful bliss. Now I’m back in Jamaica, and having a comforter on the bed is just for fashion (It’s too HOT).

As a Christian single, I endure many moments of praying that I was married and had my husband by my side to comfort me. But as I grow in Christ, I’m realizing more and more, that even when I don’t have things going my way, that I always have a Comforter. He is a Comforter that wraps me in a protective blanket in my most trying times and helps me to rest well for my triumphs and victories.

When I look at the harmful situations He has rescued me from, the horrors He has walked me through, the great accomplishments He has helped me to reach, I’m just very appreciative of this specific period of my life. It’s not Disney World, but being single is not all bad either.

In whatever state I am, I know I have a Comforter. So I’m enjoying life now. You should too.

“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever” (John 14:16)

In His Comfort

It’s a wonderful feeling to wake up free, joyful and bursting with love. A few years ago I didn’t thought it possible to feel this way as a single Christian. Now, my life has taken on new meaning. Not just for what will happen in my future, but for all the great undertakings God has for me now. In my singleness I have found my true purpose in God and with this revelation comes a lot of peace. With this revelation comes a passion filled vision, that’s bigger me and anyone I could ever cross paths with.

I have become that whole. Complete in Him that was crucified. Marching daily in His will, it’s always forward still. I am seeking His kingdom first and all His righteousness. There is just too much to do to just sit around wondering what’s next. So if you are single, and in misery I assure you, there is great comfort in HIM. You might be trying to find happiness my manipulating someone into being your spouse, lying about who you really are, bending over backwards just so things will work. But if that’s what you have to do, you will always hurt. Remember whatever you do to start the relationship, will require a lot more work to maintain it. Seek the Lord in all your ways, sometimes when it’s too hard God is saying let go! He wants to give you that true peace. Only trust that He wants the BEST for you!

“I’ve Invested Too Much”

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I have invested too much to leave.

If the above is your sole reason for staying in a relationship you will always be missing out on the joy of having a union in which you are treated the way that you are to be.

So many men spend heavily on women that have no real desire of being with them but despite being treated like the scum of the earth they stick around because “they have invested too much.” There are women that stay in abusive relationships to their deaths. Why? “They have been together for years and there is just too much invested. But who really gains from these arrangements?

Recently there has been much news about Ponzi investment schemes, which promise high interest and quick returns. So many people invested all their life savings in them because of a hope living free. Why should they work if their money can work for them? Right? Only to find that after a while these schemes failed and they ended up losing everything having to start all over again (I know a few people that this happened to).

There is much similarity between a Ponzi scheme and being in a relationship investing away in something that is not real. You might get some return that might be high in your book, like filling the need to not being lonely, social status, financial support, etc. However be assured of this, if the instrument you invest in is phony, even if you are getting some amount of return, its failure is only a matter of time.

I will however advise don’t just leave a relationship because you feel mistreated as sometimes we make things bigger than they actually are. Pray about it. Seek a third unbiased opinion. Get counselling; who knows maybe everything was a big misunderstanding. Whatever you do, take a decision that’s in the best interest of your heart.

God Bless You

We Just Wanna Know

Women want men that can lead

Men generally feel that the women of this society (being more educated and all) don’t want to be lead by them.  I don’t believe this as there may be some misunderstanding where this is concerned.

A Woman doesn’t mind a man leading – but when he seems to operate without a compass it scares and confuses her. On the job we often find it very challenging to do our work if those we report to are not clear in defining goals and what it is we are to do. It is no different in relationships. In the man’s seat of authority, he must be clear on what it is that he is expecting. Women don’t just want to know what you are thinking of doing (Getting a car, buying a house, investments, marriage, children, etc). We want to know why, when, how, etc. We just want to know.

Initially little uncertainties (not knowing) make women hesitant but as this persist we get frustrated. At this point of frustration, a man feels hassled and annoyed. Thus everyone goes around in circles being ruled by negative emotions. If communication is poor this may cause a further breakdown or end of the relationship altogether.

It is simple if men want to lead they must step up and forget about their pride. Men, sometimes when you don’t know the answers say so. Maybe you’ll both find a solution together, one that you both will work towards. So yes there are women who don’t mind men leading it’s just a little more dynamic.

What if you never got married?

I remember having a conversation with a female colleague when I just started graduate study. She expressed to me that she wouldn’t dear take on studies beyond the undergraduate level until she was married. This was because most men that are single and looking for a wife are not as qualified and having a master’s degree would rule out possible future mates. I could understand her logic, men being egotistical and all, but my question to her was: “What if you never got married?”

This conversation happened eight years ago and this young lady still has all her career dreams and aspirations on hold waiting for this elusive mate. Why should one delay their dreams without even being in a committed relationship?  By committed relationship, I mean married or officially declared/ engaged. Not a mere promise from someone who is not accountable to you or anyone else and can leave the next minute if it pleased him.

To an extent I think women generally have an innate need for commitment. Sometimes when its not there we still assume it to be there. A woman can be in a relationship for months and years and her main reason for staying is because she believes that he is going to marry her. She will give up opportunities just for that very fact. Even if officially the other person (the man) did not declare this. Her hope is place in what she sees in the future and as this commitment is delayed, disappointment sets in. She may even become resentful often considering what she gave up or is still giving up.

My dear sisters, live your lives in contentment. Appreciate your current situations and make the most of them. If you are not committed to a man, there is no need to delay your life just to please him. But you will find, if you live your life being happy in your state, giving of yourself to the Lord and seizing each day, you will have joy and peace in God’s comforting presence.  Don’t get manipulative or use ultimatums to get men to commit to you. Just live the life God intended for you to live. Who knows in putting the Lord first, He’ll just send you someone who is truly ready to commit. At least then, you won’t have any resentment. Trust the Lord!

 

It’s not a want, IT’S A NEED!

 Though it is customary for all to think that all women live in Lala-land believing in a prince Charming or that we all yearn for “tall dark and handsome”- when you get to the core of us you find that- this is sometimes far from the truth.  Women come in many variations and are sometimes so diverse that it’s hard for men to understand us. But there is one language that when spoken correctly we all get it! It’s called love.

 This is most definitely not talking about a man that is being overly needy or jealous—its more about someone that goes above and beyond to love his woman on her terms not expecting anything in return.

Loving her on her terms shows her that you pay attention to her needs. Loving her on her terms could mean that you hold her hands when walking together just because she likes it.  It could be not holding her hand because that’s not her thing.  Either way, you must make her feel loved on her terms without making her feel like you are doing what you do because you are expecting her to do something in return. When men do things just for returned favors it puts them in a position to get used.  A man has to understand that that love void in a woman if filled creates an aim and desire to please him.

 The worst thing a man can do is threat the woman in his life like a second class citizen, even if it is not intentional. Many marriages break up because men work too many hours, or are too busy with other things. Even though she knows it’s to support the family not receiving that loving affection throws her off.  Many women get frustrated not receiving this love and are led to think that their significant other is unable of loving them as they ought.  This lack further derails the relationship as additional voids are highlighted and before you know it, two people that were once in love find themselves in nasty divorce battles.

 It doesn’t have to go that far. Let’s do what the Bible says: Eph. 5:22-27: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

My Conversation with Society 2 Weeks Before My 30th Birthday

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Society: Well hello there. It’s drawing near…

 Me: Hey

Society: How are you feeling?

Me: Just wonderful I tell ya, great things are happening in my life.

Society: Great things? You’re single! Your biological clock is ticking so you better hurry up.

Me:  Huh?

Society: Girl don’t you know you can’t hug your degree or your career?

Me: Seriously, who goes to school to hug a degree? Are you trying to tell me that the men of today don’t appreciate strong, intelligent women? Why should I have to choose between a family and an education/Career?

Society: It doesn’t look good. The ideal is for a woman to establish her home and family by age thirty. If you start now you can make it before you turn thirty one.

Me: Just what are you trying to say? Just grab any old body?

Society: An apple is apple. It doesn’t really matter. Choice is overrated when you are lonely.

Me: I can understand your point on loneliness; no one wants to be alone.  I don’t want to be alone. Now Society, you listen, I have absolutely no intention of adding to the already high divorce rates that saturate your existence. My reason for getting married will never be to fit in your little box. It will be to someone I love that also loves me, for me.

Society: hahaha , you are going to be an emotional wreck, you wait and see. After that you’ll become a hard unhappy stone that will make the life of everyone around you miserable.

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Me: Society if that’s how you feel about me I’m withdrawing my membership from you. Your definition for a good life is wrong and only seeks to please eyes and the status quo. I’m choosing to be defined by what the word of God says. The man that finds me will find a good thing. I won’t be desperate, I’ll be wise in waiting. Trusting God’s direction and instructions  to my true love.  I will “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen my heart.

A Little Advice:

Dear singles if you have to lose track of who you are to fit in someone’s ideology, it’s not worth it and you won’t be happy. Do you. And do you the right way.

 Till next time God bless you!

Spoilt Tomatoes, Buyer Beware

 

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Normally when I shop for tomatoes I would go to the vegetable market, handpick the ones I want after scrutinizing them individually before I pay. If I pick one up that’s bad or show signs of rot, I would put it back in the pile. But there are times when I buy tomatoes in the supermarket and they are nicely packaged and wrapped in a size that’s very convenient to me.  No time to handpick, I  just grab and go.

Its time to cook and I reach in my refrigerator for the tomatoes that I bought at the supermarket nicely packaged only to fine that, they weren’t all that lovely as they were packaged in a way that the rotten parts were not revealed. Sounds familiar…..

It should be, if not with vegetables, with relationships. You meet someone and they are out of this world amazing only to find that they were only disguising their true rotten self. Often when you figure it out you have already made the purchase or have given of yourself something that you can’t take back, your effort, time, emotions etc. Yes it sucks, cause no one wants to get stuck with rotten tomatoes.

So this is what you do:

  1. Be very PATIENT in selecting your significant other.
  2. Scrutinize before you buy. Its better to find out the individuals fault before you commit to them. In doing this everyone is on the same page limiting the potential for relationship threatening surprises.
  3. Ask God to guide you in selecting, He won’t steer you wrong.
  4. And finally, be HONEST and true about yourself. If you don’t want to take home a rotten tomato, don’t be one.

God Bless J

Single Women have Protection

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Woke up to the sad news yesterday that yet another apartment on my complex was invaded by criminal elements who somehow have concocted a scheme that once there are no men living in an apartment then that’s their key. It brought me back to a few weeks ago when someone broke in our apartment while we were sleeping. Even though they left empty handed because an alarm was raised, it was a little disquieting to say the least. To an extent, it was as if this situation would cause a major disruption in my life as I had problems sleeping due to fear that the culprit would come back.

 I had to literally stop and anchor my faith in God, knowing that He was my Protector. Of course, people offered their opinion as to how our (My roommate and I) problem could be fixed. One of which was to “get a man.” It’s easy to go shack-up with any and anybody just to have that male presence to ward off the evils of the night. Yes it is. But because I am waiting on God’s will for me, I know he’ll be my protection until that day when I have my own husband to protect me.

 It should also be noted that God’s protection does not negate us being wise and taking precautions to ensure our safety. As single women, we have to protect ourselves from these individuals. Lock our doors and windows, get burglar bars, arm ourselves so that we have the ability to defend ourselves should the need arise. We must also be alert in our surroundings. Take note of the people you see every day. Most individuals who are targeted for robbery and or rape most times appear oblivious to the surrounding area being dangerous. Let’s be wise in all that we do, looking out for each other while making each day count.

 We don’t have to live in fear. We don’t have to have a spouse to be protected. We can live and enjoy our lives as God intended, Single or Married. Protect yourself!

Wrong Number

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I’m all for people being creative with technology, but deliberately calling someone you don’t know and then through pretense try to get a date is just crazy.

 

Have you ever had someone called your phone, only to find it’s a wrong number? Then the person on the other end tries to make a pass at you saying let’s get connected.

 

Yesterday after one of the most amazing church services I went home and saw two missed calls on my cell phone. I didn’t know the number but called it to see who was trying to reach me. A gentleman answered on the other end and he politely said I’m really sorry about that I think I dialed the wrong number. Moments after that, I received a text message from the same number: “You were not the girl I was trying to reach, but your voice sounds so sweet. Can we become phone friends?” I was immediately reminded of a movie I was watching with some college girls that did that to meet men who they eventually slept with or scammed for money. I also remembered being harassed by a particular young man after my cell network started offering free nights. I had to literally ignore all numbers that I didn’t know for him to stop calling me.

 

While this could be harmless (i.e. It was an accident) and end up in a meaningful relationship. It can also be dangerous. I also thought of the fact that many adventure seeking young people delve into the practice not taking into consideration that there are so many sex offenders at large. It is not wise to get caught up in this practice as a way of meeting people.

 

Yes you might be lonely, but try meeting others using safer means. It’s better to be single than to put your life in danger! Please let’s be wise!