What if you never got married?

I remember having a conversation with a female colleague when I just started graduate study. She expressed to me that she wouldn’t dear take on studies beyond the undergraduate level until she was married. This was because most men that are single and looking for a wife are not as qualified and having a master’s degree would rule out possible future mates. I could understand her logic, men being egotistical and all, but my question to her was: “What if you never got married?”

This conversation happened eight years ago and this young lady still has all her career dreams and aspirations on hold waiting for this elusive mate. Why should one delay their dreams without even being in a committed relationship?  By committed relationship, I mean married or officially declared/ engaged. Not a mere promise from someone who is not accountable to you or anyone else and can leave the next minute if it pleased him.

To an extent I think women generally have an innate need for commitment. Sometimes when its not there we still assume it to be there. A woman can be in a relationship for months and years and her main reason for staying is because she believes that he is going to marry her. She will give up opportunities just for that very fact. Even if officially the other person (the man) did not declare this. Her hope is place in what she sees in the future and as this commitment is delayed, disappointment sets in. She may even become resentful often considering what she gave up or is still giving up.

My dear sisters, live your lives in contentment. Appreciate your current situations and make the most of them. If you are not committed to a man, there is no need to delay your life just to please him. But you will find, if you live your life being happy in your state, giving of yourself to the Lord and seizing each day, you will have joy and peace in God’s comforting presence.  Don’t get manipulative or use ultimatums to get men to commit to you. Just live the life God intended for you to live. Who knows in putting the Lord first, He’ll just send you someone who is truly ready to commit. At least then, you won’t have any resentment. Trust the Lord!

 

My Conversation with Society 2 Weeks Before My 30th Birthday

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Society: Well hello there. It’s drawing near…

 Me: Hey

Society: How are you feeling?

Me: Just wonderful I tell ya, great things are happening in my life.

Society: Great things? You’re single! Your biological clock is ticking so you better hurry up.

Me:  Huh?

Society: Girl don’t you know you can’t hug your degree or your career?

Me: Seriously, who goes to school to hug a degree? Are you trying to tell me that the men of today don’t appreciate strong, intelligent women? Why should I have to choose between a family and an education/Career?

Society: It doesn’t look good. The ideal is for a woman to establish her home and family by age thirty. If you start now you can make it before you turn thirty one.

Me: Just what are you trying to say? Just grab any old body?

Society: An apple is apple. It doesn’t really matter. Choice is overrated when you are lonely.

Me: I can understand your point on loneliness; no one wants to be alone.  I don’t want to be alone. Now Society, you listen, I have absolutely no intention of adding to the already high divorce rates that saturate your existence. My reason for getting married will never be to fit in your little box. It will be to someone I love that also loves me, for me.

Society: hahaha , you are going to be an emotional wreck, you wait and see. After that you’ll become a hard unhappy stone that will make the life of everyone around you miserable.

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Me: Society if that’s how you feel about me I’m withdrawing my membership from you. Your definition for a good life is wrong and only seeks to please eyes and the status quo. I’m choosing to be defined by what the word of God says. The man that finds me will find a good thing. I won’t be desperate, I’ll be wise in waiting. Trusting God’s direction and instructions  to my true love.  I will “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen my heart.

A Little Advice:

Dear singles if you have to lose track of who you are to fit in someone’s ideology, it’s not worth it and you won’t be happy. Do you. And do you the right way.

 Till next time God bless you!

Single Women have Protection

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Woke up to the sad news yesterday that yet another apartment on my complex was invaded by criminal elements who somehow have concocted a scheme that once there are no men living in an apartment then that’s their key. It brought me back to a few weeks ago when someone broke in our apartment while we were sleeping. Even though they left empty handed because an alarm was raised, it was a little disquieting to say the least. To an extent, it was as if this situation would cause a major disruption in my life as I had problems sleeping due to fear that the culprit would come back.

 I had to literally stop and anchor my faith in God, knowing that He was my Protector. Of course, people offered their opinion as to how our (My roommate and I) problem could be fixed. One of which was to “get a man.” It’s easy to go shack-up with any and anybody just to have that male presence to ward off the evils of the night. Yes it is. But because I am waiting on God’s will for me, I know he’ll be my protection until that day when I have my own husband to protect me.

 It should also be noted that God’s protection does not negate us being wise and taking precautions to ensure our safety. As single women, we have to protect ourselves from these individuals. Lock our doors and windows, get burglar bars, arm ourselves so that we have the ability to defend ourselves should the need arise. We must also be alert in our surroundings. Take note of the people you see every day. Most individuals who are targeted for robbery and or rape most times appear oblivious to the surrounding area being dangerous. Let’s be wise in all that we do, looking out for each other while making each day count.

 We don’t have to live in fear. We don’t have to have a spouse to be protected. We can live and enjoy our lives as God intended, Single or Married. Protect yourself!