“I’ve Invested Too Much”

investment

I have invested too much to leave.

If the above is your sole reason for staying in a relationship you will always be missing out on the joy of having a union in which you are treated the way that you are to be.

So many men spend heavily on women that have no real desire of being with them but despite being treated like the scum of the earth they stick around because “they have invested too much.” There are women that stay in abusive relationships to their deaths. Why? “They have been together for years and there is just too much invested. But who really gains from these arrangements?

Recently there has been much news about Ponzi investment schemes, which promise high interest and quick returns. So many people invested all their life savings in them because of a hope living free. Why should they work if their money can work for them? Right? Only to find that after a while these schemes failed and they ended up losing everything having to start all over again (I know a few people that this happened to).

There is much similarity between a Ponzi scheme and being in a relationship investing away in something that is not real. You might get some return that might be high in your book, like filling the need to not being lonely, social status, financial support, etc. However be assured of this, if the instrument you invest in is phony, even if you are getting some amount of return, its failure is only a matter of time.

I will however advise don’t just leave a relationship because you feel mistreated as sometimes we make things bigger than they actually are. Pray about it. Seek a third unbiased opinion. Get counselling; who knows maybe everything was a big misunderstanding. Whatever you do, take a decision that’s in the best interest of your heart.

God Bless You

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We Just Wanna Know

Women want men that can lead

Men generally feel that the women of this society (being more educated and all) don’t want to be lead by them.  I don’t believe this as there may be some misunderstanding where this is concerned.

A Woman doesn’t mind a man leading – but when he seems to operate without a compass it scares and confuses her. On the job we often find it very challenging to do our work if those we report to are not clear in defining goals and what it is we are to do. It is no different in relationships. In the man’s seat of authority, he must be clear on what it is that he is expecting. Women don’t just want to know what you are thinking of doing (Getting a car, buying a house, investments, marriage, children, etc). We want to know why, when, how, etc. We just want to know.

Initially little uncertainties (not knowing) make women hesitant but as this persist we get frustrated. At this point of frustration, a man feels hassled and annoyed. Thus everyone goes around in circles being ruled by negative emotions. If communication is poor this may cause a further breakdown or end of the relationship altogether.

It is simple if men want to lead they must step up and forget about their pride. Men, sometimes when you don’t know the answers say so. Maybe you’ll both find a solution together, one that you both will work towards. So yes there are women who don’t mind men leading it’s just a little more dynamic.

What if you never got married?

I remember having a conversation with a female colleague when I just started graduate study. She expressed to me that she wouldn’t dear take on studies beyond the undergraduate level until she was married. This was because most men that are single and looking for a wife are not as qualified and having a master’s degree would rule out possible future mates. I could understand her logic, men being egotistical and all, but my question to her was: “What if you never got married?”

This conversation happened eight years ago and this young lady still has all her career dreams and aspirations on hold waiting for this elusive mate. Why should one delay their dreams without even being in a committed relationship?  By committed relationship, I mean married or officially declared/ engaged. Not a mere promise from someone who is not accountable to you or anyone else and can leave the next minute if it pleased him.

To an extent I think women generally have an innate need for commitment. Sometimes when its not there we still assume it to be there. A woman can be in a relationship for months and years and her main reason for staying is because she believes that he is going to marry her. She will give up opportunities just for that very fact. Even if officially the other person (the man) did not declare this. Her hope is place in what she sees in the future and as this commitment is delayed, disappointment sets in. She may even become resentful often considering what she gave up or is still giving up.

My dear sisters, live your lives in contentment. Appreciate your current situations and make the most of them. If you are not committed to a man, there is no need to delay your life just to please him. But you will find, if you live your life being happy in your state, giving of yourself to the Lord and seizing each day, you will have joy and peace in God’s comforting presence.  Don’t get manipulative or use ultimatums to get men to commit to you. Just live the life God intended for you to live. Who knows in putting the Lord first, He’ll just send you someone who is truly ready to commit. At least then, you won’t have any resentment. Trust the Lord!