Don’t Judge, ASK

dont judge

Over the past few weeks I saw how my expectation of others based on a projection of myself can cause me to be resentful. This is not just limited to a relationship, but upon evaluating me, it was found to be rampant in every aspect of my life.

I saw how selfish I was in that I expected others to carry out a requirement because it seems so easy to me. This lead me to think, we have to be careful about our expectations of others. Before we cast judgement, we must fully consider what the other individual’s circumstances, feelings and abilities dictate.

Take this simple scenario:

Jill started dating Neville two months ago. She is head over heels for him but really gets annoyed at the fact that earns well but drives a car that breaks down every 15 minutes. She often presses him to get a new car, because in her mind that is the sensible thing to do. She became so resentful of the fact that he has not heeded to her request that she started making subtle disrespectful comments regarding the same. This caused Neville to start questioning if this was the woman he wanted to be with. Unknown to Jill, was the fact that, even though Neville earned well, he had inherited a substantial amount of debt after his father passed and even though he is not living with his family He was the sole bread winner. As such he was maintaining two households. Even though Neville himself knew that he needed a car, this responsibility required him to prioritize  Also, not known to Jill was the fact that Neville was just about finished with paying off his father’s debt and His brother just finished his first degree and is seeking employment so that he can also contribute to the household.

I know, you are probably saying that Neville could have told her when she started pressing him to get a car. But it cannot be taken for granted that people most times only divulge what they are comfortable divulging. Women especially need to understand that the men in their lives are not idiots and there is reasoning behind what they do. Let’s not take on judgmental tones but seek to understand why the people in our lives take certain stances.

It’s not enough that it makes sense to you, but does it make sense to the other person? Instead of dictating calmly ask why in an undemanding tone. It will work wonders in your relationships.

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