Single By Love!

Often you hear the many reasons why individuals are single, common of which are by choice and by circumstances. But how can one be single by love. Doesn’t love bring us together? Doesn’t love draw others to you?

Many can testify that they are not single because they choose to be. They can also tell you it’s not because they couldn’t be married. But it was more so because they are waiting and preparing for that one individual that God will bid them to. They might have met someone that they fell head over heels for. Everything went in gear to move towards marriage and the Lord said no. God wasn’t trying to make them unhappy, but He has the ability to see what is in the future for both individuals concerned. As such they can say I am alone because God said so. In their love for God they obeyed. While there are others that did their own thing, ignoring what God has instructed and later on would have to bear the burden of the pain of disobedience.

There is also the scenario of marrying someone that you are not in love with. Many enter loveless marriages for varying reasons: status, money, stability, sex, citizenship, to fit in and the list goes on. But marriage shouldn’t be based on these vain things or whenever these are gone, the marriage will crumble. Love bears all things so it will cause people to cling to each other. The vainness of our society has devastatingly affected the marriages of today. The divorce rate is proof of that. It is better to be single waiting for love than to marry for reasons other than what God intended and end up going through the trauma of a broken marriage.

Then there is the scenario of red flags and cards going up all over the place. That is, you met or like someone, but they do little things that indicate to you that they are just not right for you. These are not just frivolous things, but cornerstones to who you are. Things like that individual’s faithfulness to God and family. Is that person obedient to the word of God? This is always a good distinguisher. How compromising are they? Key note in this area will give you a true idea of the individual’s character. In this sense you love you enough to not be led like a sheep to the slaughter by a ravenous wolf.

One can be single because God (love) said so. You can be single because you genuinely want to marry for love. And finally, you can be single because you love yourself enough to chose wisely. SO yes we can be single by love!

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The Eliab Syndrome

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So you have been dating/talking for a while now, but every time you believe that you have made a step forward together, the other individual takes two steps backwards. Eliab is that individual that has or seemingly has it together knowing what they want to accomplish, but is too fearful to move on it. They appear ready but in their heart, they are far from becoming committed to anybody.

Don’t Confuse Eliab for David:

“And it came to pass, when they were come, that he looked on Eliab, and said, Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him. But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” 1 Sam. 16:6-7

After Saul’s disobedience, God told Samuel to anoint a new king among Jesse’s sons. He never said upfront who it was and when Samuel saw Eliab, He believed this was he. After all, he was the first son of Jessie, he had a good countenance and he was enrolled in the army. All his siblings probably looked up to him (literally). Who better to lead of Jesse’s sons than this man? But God saw that his heart was not where it should be. David on the other hand, who was not even invited to the feast, had the heart that God was looking for. After all the other sons of Jesse passed before Samuel they were not chosen and David was sent for.

God had Samuel anoint the shepherd- this wouldn’t make sense to most of us. But God looks beyond all we see. Later as the story transpires we see the difference between the hearts of David and Eliab:

“And as he talked with them, behold, there came up the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name, out of the armies of the Philistines, and spake according to the same words: and David heard them. And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid. And the men of Israel said, Have ye seen this man that is come up? surely to defy Israel is he come up: and it shall be, that the man who killeth him, the king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make his father’s house free in Israel. And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying, What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel? for who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God? And the people answered him after this manner, saying, So shall it be done to the man that killeth him. And Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spake unto the men; and Eliab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said, Why camest thou down hither? and with whom hast thou left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle. And David said, What have I now done? Is there not a cause?” 1 Sam. 17:23-29

David was firm in the word of God and who God was and he was not afraid of Goliath meanwhile, the entire army of Israel including Eliab were afraid. Eliab was fearful and unbelieving; David on the other hand was a brave warrior who saw God as his strength. This is how you differentiated the two.

Bravely Believe in Your Relationship

David exhibited that spirit that Joshua did, as he was not afraid to go into the promise land and claim it even though most of his companions were afraid to.

Eliab because He was fearful and unbelieving could not access the process. Like wise, there will be many promising individuals that come into your life during your single man/woman journey. They come for different reasons. They may be in love with you, some will be there because of your offering, some may come just to not be alone, some are just in love with the idea of you, but be assured if they have the Eliab syndrome, they will not move beyond fear of things not working out after a commitment or may not truly believe that you are the one for them. It will be hang-up after, hang-up but at the root of these will be fear and unbelief.

The individual that you marry should be one that is willing to fight for your relationship to work. They should come with an overcoming sprit, not one of defeat. If there is defeat before your union, it will be a sure disaster of a marriage. The word of God declares:

“He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.But the fearful, and unbelieving, …..shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Rev. 21:7-8

Hearts In Storage

As it is on the dating scene, people move from mate to mate in pursuit of that special someone. As a result of this, some people get hurt. Some of this hurt takes years to be healed. Sometimes people don’t get over it but instead become bitter and harden not really letting others in.
While some can successfully move on after a breakup, forgiving and then entrusting their heart to someone else; others may give up on relationships all together while others continue having relationships not truly opening up their hearts to those they are with. We can see how the latter two can create problems. A relationship is a true connection of body, soul and spirit. Center to this connection is the heart. Heart has to be in it. However, a situation is created where people are in relationships and their hearts are just not available. Not available because someone broke it.

These broken hearts are treated similar to how we treat our other broken possessions:

  • we get it fixed,
  • we remove it from operation and store it somewhere that it is not seen or
  • we toss it out.

I want to however, zoom in on the heart that is broken and placed in storage. I recently started using fresh or dried beans when cooking rather than buying the canned ones as I found it to be a healthier choice. I was fascinated to see how the dried beans came alive after being soaked in water for a while. Through the process of osmosis dried cells were rejuvenated. Makes me think about the hearts that are broken and stored away. Left dry and hard, that they can come alive again if infused in the water of love and healing.
Paramount in this healing process is forgiveness. If people fail to forgive, they will remain bitter and hard. Too many singles fall in this boat. Unresolved issues cause serious problems when people come together in a relationship. If you are currently dating, and suffered from a broken heart try forgiving those who have hurt you.

It is also good to communicate your grievances with the those that have hurt you. Get it off your chest calmly and respectfully. Face the problem or the issue. Apologize when you are wrong and be ready to release people even when they have wronged you and refuse to accept it and apologize. The freedom that comes from a clear conscience is priceless.

Trust God to heal you. His love is above all and He  mends the broken heart!

Don’t place your heart in storage- fix it!